30.10.14

2014



hello.

It feels strange to back here writing. How is everyone?

So I think it's fair to say I lost the blogging mojo a long while ago. I think starting up my own photography business had a lot to do with it! I also guess that I've just been lost in a sea of work - having an incredible time and meeting amazing people - but just work and not too much in between. Or that's how it feels.

I was also planning on coming back to this space when we were lucky enough to have children. I thought it would be fun to start it up again - cute photos - new challenges - me as a mother. Instead our first taste of parenthood has gone spectacularly wrong.

We lost our babies. Twins born at 23 weeks and 3 days. Born on the 25th and 26th August. Yep twins with different birthdays. A baby girl and a baby boy. Or how I saw it my head corduroy in one hand and liberty print in the other. We conceived them easily and I loved being pregnant - they were two very wiggly babies. There is no reason for why it went wrong - for some reason I went into premature labour which triggered a series of very sad events. After 2 weeks in and out of hospital we realised there was no hope for them. I also became very poorly and it turned into a labour of saving me.

It feels nice to write about it. Say it out loud. For me I chose to keep our pregnancy quite - the day I was going to announce it on Instagram is the day it all went wrong. But now for me I want them to be known. I know that they will forever be the biggest part of my life - our lives.

I'm fighting to accept this has happened. That it can happen. And the saddest thing - that it's happened to so many people. I'm not sure if I'll breathe again until we have our baby but we're both getting on with our new normal. Our life after them.

I'm not going to go on. I just wanted to say it out loud. Find my voice again.

20 comments:

  1. Hi, I was so pleased to see that you had blogged again, and then so very sad to read your tragic news. Thank you for finding the strength to share it. Peace be with you and your family at this time and I pray for blessings on you all. With love D xxx

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  2. Brave girl - big hugs. Xx you'll breathe again and soon with lots of love and hugs from family and friends. Big hugs holly x

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  3. Oh beautiful. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. That is all I can say and do. Just know that love is there and it's for you to hold onto. Don't let go of it <3 xx

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  4. Like the first comment, I was thrilled to see a new post from you but so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you. xx

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  5. `☆〜☆`☆`☆`〜

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  6. Brave open words for a very hard time.

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  7. I'm so very sorry to hear your sad news. I can empathise with the feeling of not being able to breathe again until you have your baby. I'm hoping to breathe again for the first time in a long while in about 8 weeks, but I will take nothing as given until that moment. I think its great you decided to share. Its real, it happened and its now part of who you are. Sending all good wishes to you both. I hope you find strength together. xx

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  8. How amazingly brave of you to let everyone know.
    They will always be part of your life for ever and you will always think about them and love them, even if you
    only had them with you for a such a little time.
    We lost a baby at 32 weeks over 34 years ago.
    The pain will always be there, it never goes, but it will be more livable with over time.
    You will never, never forget the beauty of their little lives.
    My heart grieves for you both.

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  9. I admire you.
    Will be praying for you and your angels. Love from Latvia.

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  10. You are one amazing woman.. <3

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  11. I am so very sorry and heartbroken for you. I had seen on IG, but to read here in a bit more detail, my heart aches for you both. Thinking of you xx

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  12. Beautifully said, and I'm so glad you were able to. Thinking of you. xx

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  13. 'perhaps they are not stars but rather openings in heaven where the love of your lost ones pours through'
    {eskimo proverb}

    may you find peace in those two bright shining stars above...

    thinking of you both...sending hugs xxx

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  14. Oh Tori, how brave of you to share this sad story, thank you. You have such a beautiful soul and I am so sorry for you and your husband (and poor little Dave/Tiny Tim). Take care of yourself, stay close to your support network and enjoy all the pretty things in life which will put a smile on your face. Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs your way, Lou x

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  15. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. That will be the bravest blog post that you have ever written/posted and my heart goes out to you and your husband. Keep your head above water, I know this will be the hardest thing to do, but keep going x

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  16. Oh Tori, only just seen this post. So very heartbroken for you but also full of admiration for your courage and strength to talk about them and share your/their story. I truly hope you find your breath again, and that you will have a beautiful baby in your arms one day soon and that you will find healing in time. xx

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  17. I'm deeply sorry to hear of your loss. I do hope that you're on the mend physically and mentally after such heartbreak Tori. All the best to you and your family.

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  18. Dear Tori, I am very sorry to hear that unbearably sad news, I so hope that you are able to have a baby soon and that slowly over time you feel more and more heeled xx

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  19. So beautiful flowers, I like them. I have a collection of photos dedicated to the flowers all over the world. Follow the link to see it.

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  20. I'm deeply sorry to hear of your loss. I wish you recover faster. The work will help you in that.

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